I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
