he thought i was a dude.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
