nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My liver just had a heart attack.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
