When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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