So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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