Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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