all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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