All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
