I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
