Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
