Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
