Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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