just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
