Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
