I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
