girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
