If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
