I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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