I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
