Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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