Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
