Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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