are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
