don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
