he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
