I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
