You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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