I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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