I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
