He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
