Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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