my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
