you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
