If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
