she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
