Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
