if i can run in heels then i can drive
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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