She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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