i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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