Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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