I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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