I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
