Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
