apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
