EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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