I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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