I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
