that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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