Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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