Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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