I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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