great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
