We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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