I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
