You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
