Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
3 2 1 whiskey
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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