to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
