all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
