member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize