Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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