She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
