i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
