i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
