fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
