I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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