at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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