So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
