yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
