either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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